Baggy britches and flat fannys

Wednesday morning we awoke to the earitating sound of my alarm. I usually don't have a hard time getting up in the morning, but this was one of those occasions. My back was hurting, legs must have been injected with lead, elbows were bent backwards (or felt like it) and there was a really annoying fly buzzing around my head. (Bugs, I hate bugs!) My innards felt like they were sat on by and elephant Which also probably caused the back pain. My brain was replaced with cotton dipped in green nail polish, which was half hardened-semi hard and semi sticky. My eyes must have played in the sand box all night, and some of that brain cotton had leaked down to my mouth. My throuat felt like a pin cussion- pins included. If this is how Kris feels every morning ,then I understand why he hits the snooze a gazillion times before he finally rolls out of bed!
I grabbed the saline and rehydrated my contacts. (I sleep with them in because otherwise I wouldn't be able to find my contacts to put them in, thus creating a very interesting catch 22.) Then I rolled over, looked at Eitz eyeballing me as if she had just done the same inventory of her aches and pains. Neither of us seemed super alert, but knew we needed to get out of bed. After 4 (somewhat pathetic) attempts to awaken my bones I succeeded in sitting up. Then with a major exertion of my quickly depleting energy stores, I swung my legs out of the bed and onto the floor-COOOOOOOLD!! A quick retraction back under the saftey of the blanket! (What was Eitz laughing at? ME? WHY?) Then TB helped me. A Sudden urgent message to my nail polished cotten brain finally registered that we were hitting the critical stage and needed to move it or lose it! The green nailpolish turned vibrant red and I braved the cold floor not wanting to wet the bed. (Though I actually did consider it for a few seconds.) After that it went much better. I blew my nose, forcing all that colorful cotton from my head, took care of TB, washed the fly snot from my face and arms, and went for some breakfast to reinflate my squished innards.
After breakfast we packed the bike and went through the long procedure of dressing up. No, we didn't put on nylons, heels, skirts and blouses! We put on (over our shorts and t-shirts) leather pants, riding boots, leather coat, leather gloves, MP3, earphones, sunglasses and helmet. Why don't we just ask God to make us into cool cows instead? Now there would be an interesting Far Side! Two cows with shades and MP3s riding on a bog Harley down twisting winding roads! There would probably have to be a warning sine for people x-ing!
Next comes mounting the bike. I am not the most adgile person in the world- about as nimble as a newborn puppy with rollorskates on a frozen pond. Add to this the fact that there was still residue of the green nail polish and cotton in my head, and that there was some dew on the seats, well, it was an interesting sight! Somehow we both managed to get on. Then I remembered that I forgot to hand in the key. We rolled off, handed in the key and started over again. (After a long search through all 256 pockets to find the huffen key)So, with a wink of my eye and a swish of my hair, we were on our way home.

We had decided to drive the whole way home in one day. We would stop often both for gas and for leg stretching. We hit the road by 7 am and were on our way. There was not much traffic, and the rising sun hit the dew creating some really spectacular sights. The sun was just coming up over the tree line, illuminating the river and lakes in the valley in the distance. Even the snow dotted mountian seemed to have a hard time waking up this morning. I think it was Gods way of saying (in a sugary sweet honey coated voive- high and peepy) GOOD MORNING; Y'ALL!
So, we were on the road again. We stopped every now and again for photos, gas (for the bike), or to try to reinflate our oh, so flat bottoms. The ride went well, and we made good time. The traffic fre roads were nice, and I could sneek a few more looks at the mountians and rivers than before.
While still in Norway, we came across a very peculiar warning sign. I chuckeled when I saw it, thinking that someone probably put it there as a joke. I had seen a few cows along the way, greeting them with a big "MOOOOOOO" each time, and had seen a flock of sheep a few times as well ("BAAAAH"). But they were in fenced off areas, like I was used to seeing. Well, sure enough, we went around a corner and right in the middle of the road- 2 sheep were taking a morning walk. I slowed down and stopped and they turned their heads to look at me. So there we were- them looking at us and us looking at them. They were probably thinking- "dumb tourists again! " and I was thinking- "stupid sheep". For some reason the picture didn't come out (I forgot to take off the lense cap) so you will have to take my word for it that there really were sheep on the road!
We drove to Tärnaby, where we gassed up the bike, and took a break. I need to explain that Eitz had borrowed my husbands leathers. My hubby is quite a few sizes larger than Eitz, resulting in a quite comical apperance. Not only was the jacket big enough for 4 people, but the pants were super baggy. In some fasion circles, this is not a problem. But when ridin on a motorcycle, baggy means that there is lots of extra material to flap in the wind. Now, when I got off the bike, I get a bit of a floppy fanny just because everything gets mushed into oblivion when sittin so long on my prosterior regions. But add to that an excess amount of cow hide- well, I guess we were both in baggy britches!To add to the comedy, the person that rides on the back of the bike is sometimes refered to as the bitch. So, we have us a flat fannied, baggy brithched bitch! (Say that 5 times fast if you can!!)That is an interesting title for a youth leader, don't ya think?
Anyways, on with the trip. We had this beautiful view as we rested out fannies and bones. Most of the green polished cotton has been replaced with grey matter now, and after prying my fat flat fanny from the plastic chair I was sitting in, we went through the clothing routine. (After a trip to the toilet of course) We decided to stop in Storuman for lunch and a longer break. We said goodbye to Tärnaby, and traveled on. We rested about an hour in Storuman before going on. We were getting closer to home, so it was easier to ignore the screamings of our bodies to quit torturing them. We gassed up in Lycksele, and made only one more rest after that to have and afternoon fika of bananas and peanut butter. We drank some water and started on the last leg of the journey. Our next stop would be in Vännäs, where I dropped Eitz off at home. We racked up 1285 kilometers on our trip! Then it was home to see my indians and the pooch. Hubby was on call, and wouldn't be home till 8. Did I feel like cooking? Hmmmmmm... I sent the kis to go get food from the local pizza shop! That was the yummiest kabab roll I ever ate! I unpacked and told the tales of my trip to an awestrukc audience. I showed the pictures on the camera, and relaxed with the pooch in my lap. Hubby was surprised to see me- I hadn't told him that I was coming home. He greeted me with a big old hug, a slobbery wet smooch, and a....well, I recon you can figure it all out on your own. I slept soundly in his arms. It was good to be home again. Now I just have to figure out where I am going on my next trip!